Day 11-15

I know I'm way behind.  I'll do my best to remember the important things and be more focused- it's just been a crazy week!
Monday, day 11:
I didn't do a whole lot today other than look for jobs online.  I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I eat a lot of the same things and have difficulty varying it up but its also nice to not have to guess right now.  I babysat again in the evening and that went well.  The older boy was more active so I was more hungry when I put him to bed.  He was so cute.  I was really nervous for when he goes to bed because I didn't want him to start to cry - he could have woke up his brother and then we would have had a problem.  He sat in my lap for a few minutes because he got fussy.  Then we headed upstairs - he got a little upset but we prayed before bed and he clasped his hands so tightly and his eyes were closed, put him in bed and he went to sleep- so cute!  I had brought a snack since I had eaten dinner.  I also got a call for a potential job with Youth Villages in Douglasville.  I have an interview tomorrow at 4pm, crossing fingers!

Tuesday, day 12:
Today was a busy day.  I med with my psychiatrist at 10am this morning to discuss my 'treatment'.  I told her about going off of the benzo and the reaction and she said that its normal and to continue to ween myself off as I get comfortable.  She doesn't want to change my meds and I don't have to see her until March!  She said I looked good, seemed more focused and was happy with my improvement. Great news!  Anyway, I had oats and fruit for breakfast.  For lunch, my mom and I went to whole foods for the lunch buffet.  It was really cold and rainy so they had a bunch of casserole options.  It was sooooo hard to pass by the squash casserole, pasta dishes, lasagna for my red quinoa (which tasted like it had soy sauce on it (not allowed to have) but I didn't have a lot, and fried chicken tenders.  They didn't have any baked chicken so I didn't have much.  I also had some strawberries.  Then I had therapy. We discussed the potential job, and the negative things that happened in my last job that lead me to becoming so sick.  I am apprehensive about leaving her if I get this job and move.  I really like her and hate changing therapists.  So, we drove to Douglasville for the job interview which lasted about an hour.  I felt like it went well and she asked me for a second interview Wednesday at 1:45.  I know there are other people going out for the position so I am trying to not get too excited about it.  For dinner, we went to Texas Steakhouse.  I had a side salad, large delicious steak with shrimp combo (awesome) apple sauce and I did have half of a roll- it smelled so good because it was fresh- I lost to temptation but it was so good.  It was a long drive home and I felt like I had to use the restroom so I pulled into a publix.  It felt like I had a UTI.  I was like, great.  This is not what I need right now- how did I get this- what am I doing wrong... etc.  I thought about it when I got home and remembered that I wasn't taking any fiber supplement.  I took some citricel hoping that maybe something is pushing up against my bladder.  We will see tomorrow.

Wednesday day 13:
I had a hearty breakfast, grabbed my brazilian nuts and a few rice cakes, some green tea, water and headed back to Douglasville.  The second interview went well.  2 hours later after meeting people, observing a consultation group (which I loved) and saw the girls, I left and headed for dinner with my sister in Smyrna.  I had a salad, 1 lb burger with cheese and a little bit of chili, half a tomato and a little pickle.  My sister was impressed at how much I ate and the fact that I eat like this all the time and not gaining but loosing weight.  I am not happy about how much weight I'm loosing.  As I drove home, I was thankful at how much progress I've made over the past 6 months.  When I first moved here I could barely leave the house.  I was broken in every way and couldn't see much of a future.  Now I am excited for tomorrow- even if I don't get the job.  I made it to bible study and it was good- I did have a bite of cake and it was so good but I felt a little guilty- I had a roll and a bit of cake...  Hopefully it doesn't mess me up too much.  Regarding the job, I feel at peace with whatever happens from here.

Thursday day 14:
It's my birthday! I had a big breakfast, lunch at red robin which was a big salad and ensenada chicken- two chicken breasts, avocado, and a few bites of an apple crisp.  (had syrup- not good)  So full!  We went home, watched karate kid (new one) I had an apple with almond butter for dinner.  All and all a good day.

Friday day 15:
I decided to sleep in, and when I woke up, the job had called.  I GOT THE JOB!!! I ate breakfast and got ready for the day, and ran out to get fingerprinted.  If it goes in, I start on the 7th.  For lunch we celebrated at Logans.  I had a steak and asparagus.  I did NOT have bread and did not get desert.  We ran a few errands, looked up hotels and apartments, and I taught a guitar lesson which my student is amazing (not just saying that).  For dinner we ate quinoa, kale with garlic and roast beef (not my fav meat but good).  I need to get regulated on taking citricel.  I'm about to eat an apple and butter in a bit with some chamomile tea.  Tomorrow going to scope out some neighborhoods!!  I am very excited and feeling pretty good.  Happy birthday to me!!! Hopefully I'll see my sister tomorrow.

Until tomorrow (I promise)...

Day 9 and 10

It has been an interesting few days.  I have really had to try to use this diet in real situations.

Saturday:  Things to mention that are of note... I forget what kind of meat I ate for lunch, but the greens we tried was a type of broccoli that was really bitter.  We cooked it with garlic and I put a little lemon on it but it was really difficult to eat because it was so pungent.  I think if we diced it up and mixed it with other greens or something else it would bring a lot of flavor to it.  I don't remember right now what the name of it was but I will get back to it.  I also babysat Saturday night and brought a bunch of a food with me, a burger patty, fruit, nuts, avocado (didn't eat it) but I found myself hungry after 4 hours.

Sunday.  I had breakfast of oats, blueberries and nuts.  We had a great worship service this morning- quite humbling.  I will be praying for Leslie tomorrow as her daughter has open heart surgery.  It definitely give me perspective on my health issues.  Lunch, we went to Red Robin.  I got a 'monster' (means extra patty) burger with no bun, swiss cheese and a side salad.  This was really difficult for me as I love their bottomless fries.  We had the bears football game today.  I had a bowl of fruit and some brazilian nuts and will eat some pulled pork roast with no sauce a little later.  I'm pretty bummed about the game but if they lost, they didn't deserve it.  I knew at lunch they weren't going to win- we always get so close and just can't pull it off.  I will be rooting for whoever plays against the packers for the super bowl. (rather jets win but don't really care.

I am hoping to incorporate carbs soon.  I feel like I am eating all the time but loosing weight.  It's interesting- I don't want chips or bad food anymore, I miss bread, corn, cheese and every now an then chocolate.  For a treat, we got some cherries and I have been enjoying those.  They taste so smooth.  I can't tell how things are still- my cycle is minimal but still present.

That is really all to report for now.  Until tomorrow.

Day 8

Yesterday: It was one week.  It was a good day - at breakfast of oatmeal, berries and almond slices, went to therapy which was really interesting.  I have very vivid dreams and had one the night before about going on a field trip with my history class and ended up at a hotel because where we were going.  I stayed on the 26th floor.  My sister was there... it was a really long dream.  My therapist is really good about helping me pick apart my dreams and what they could potentially mean.  After that I met up with a girl from church- Tori and had lunch at red robin.  Normally when I go there I have the fried chicken and fries with ranch and sweet tea.  I got the grilled chicken with a side salad.  The salad did have the tortilla slices but there were only like 5.  I also got avocado on the side with water with lemon.  I had some brazilian nuts for a snack and made a sausage, egg and tomato omelette with an avocado on the side.  I had two rice cakes and some cherries (real not from can) for desert.  I organized the refrigerator.  Things are looking a lot different in there.  The top two shelves are all greens and fruit.  I am sure to label nust and seeds to make sure they don't go bad.  Then watched a movie and went to bed.  I have been decreasing the benzo and it is doing a number on me.  You would think only a quarter of a pill difference wouldn't matter but for the past 3 days I have been light headed, head ache and dizzy.  This does get better over time but I have to do some breathing exercises sometimes because my heart is racing so fast.  I am really glad I'm coming off this medication.  It is highly addictive and I don't want to depend on medication to deal with panic, I know I have to fight through it.  I have a busy weekend ahead of me and hope it will be fun.

Today:
Today was ok... my stomach has not been happy with me lately.  However I think this is normal.  From what I read, my body will be eliminating things that don't belong in my system.  So be it.  I ate a large breakfast of oats, berries and nuts and I immediately had to use the restroom.  Thats the first time that has happened.  For lunch, we had baked tilapia with cherry tomatoes, lemon zest, garlic and parsley (I think).  For the side dish, we had cooked spinach  and brown rice.  For a treat we had some freshly sliced pineapple.  We got the  recipe from a 'clean magazine' similar to this one:

http://www.cleaneatingmag.com

I also tried the 'Dry Brushing Technique'.  When I was at whole foods last, I saw one of these brushes.  It is called a Tampico Skin Brush by Yerba Prima:
"Tampico Skin Brush bristles are made from tampico fiber- the unbleached stem of the agave plant.  Hard wood now improved with a protective natural coating.  The Tampico Skin Brush can be used-
1.  To aid the body's natural cleansing process, as part of a Yerba Prima Internal Cleansing System.
2.  To exercise and stimulate the skin.
3.  To gently exfoliate and deep clean the skin.
Directions for Dry Brushing:
1.  Brush entire surface of the skin, except the face, with long gentle strokes.
2.  Best if used daily, before bathing.
3.  The brush should be cleaned periodically with soap and water.

Here is a site that goes into further detail:

http://www.naturalhealthtechniques.com/healingtechniques/dry_brushing_technique.htm

"How to Dry Brush (Easy, Fast Instructions):

• Begin with your feet and brush vigorously in circular motions.
• Continue brushing up your legs.
• Proceed to your hands and arms.
• Brush your entire back and abdomen area, shoulders and neck.
• Use circular counter-clockwise strokes on the abdomen.
• Lightly brush the breasts.
• Brush upwards on the back and down from the neck. Better yet, have a friend, spouse or family member brush your back.

Need More Specific Instructions? Skip this section

Here are the verbose directions.      

(You will do most steps 7-14 times. Hang in there—it’s not as complicated as it sounds and doesn’t take as long as it seems once you get the flow of it.)

1. Using your right hand, gently slide the brush along your right jaw line starting from your earlobe to the underside of your chin 7 times.
2. Place the brush at the hairline on your neck and gently pull around the right side of your neck to the Adam's apple 7 times.
3. Hold the brush with your right hand at the bottom of your neck (where it joins the top of your back) and bring it around your neck to the right and down along your right collar bone and end up between your collar bones 7 times.
4. Stroke your breastbone in a circular fashion to stimulate the thymus gland 7 times.
5. Carefully brush the breast in a circular motion 7 times.
6. Repeat the above steps for your left side holding the brush with your left hand.
7. To stimulate the pituitary gland, hold the brush on the back of your head near the base of your neck and rock the brush up and down, then side to side, both sides 14 times.
8. Hold the brush in your left armpit with your right hand and rotate it counter clockwise 7 times, then clockwise 7 times.
9. Repeat on your right armpit with your left hand.
10. Brush upward 7 times from your upper right thigh to your right armpit.
11. Repeat process on your left side. Women may need to hold their breast out of the way with their free hand.
12. Brush back and forth over your belly button and around your waistline 14 times (like passing a basketball behind your back).
13. Brush in a circular motion over your belly-button, counter-clockwise 7 times then clockwise 7 times.
14. Finish brushing the front of your body in any direction starting at the bottom and brushing all the way up 14 times. Very little pressure needs to be applied to the genitals and women's breasts because the skin is sensitive and will redden if irritated.
15. Brush up and down your spine from the base of your neck and down as far as you can 14 times.
16. Finish your upper back by stroking it around toward your sides.
17. Brush your spine from tailbone up as high as you can reach 14 times, holding the brush with two hands or with the detachable wooden handle.
18. Finish your lower back by stroking it around toward your sides.
19. Brush up from right ankle to right knee and work all the way around your leg, brushing up towards your heart.
20. Hold the brush in the right groin with both hands and rotate it 7 times counter-clockwise, then 7 times clockwise.
21. Repeat with the left groin.
22. Brush from right knee to right hip 7 times.
23. Work all the way around your leg continuing to brush upwards (towards the heart).
24. Brush up from right ankle to right knee and work all the way around your leg, brushing up towards your heart.
25. Brush around your right ankle 7 times.
26. Brush back and forth over the top of your right foot from toes to ankle.
27. Brush across your right toes on top and underneath 7 times.
28. Brush the bottom of your right foot heel to toe 7 times.
29. Now do the same with for the left foot, leg and thigh.
30. Brush upward from right elbow to your armpit and shoulder 7 times.
31. Brush from your right wrist to the elbow in the same manner 7 times.
32. Repeat steps on your left arm.
33. Lightly brush the webbing (or junction) between your left thumb and index or pointer finger on the palm side 14 times, then on the non-palm side 14 times.
34. Brush your left palm from wrist to fingertips and back 7 times.
35. Brush the back of your left hand the same way 7 times.
36. Brush each left hand finger individually back and forth 7 times on the areas that have not been brushed yet.
37. Repeat the steps for your right hand.
    
     

After brushing, take a hot shower with soap (about three minutes in duration), followed by a 10-20 second cold rinse. Repeat this procedure three times. If the hot/cold showers are too extreme, a warm shower can be used. Follow the shower with a rubdown with either a sponge or towel to remove dead skin."

So I tried it but skeptically.  I tried it on one leg and not the other and honestly my left leg, the one I used the technique on, at the end of the day is softer and looks and feels better.  

I have not eaten dinner yet, but I am thinking eggs again or maybe some quinoa and kale (yum).  My mom saw a cool trick a chef used on a cooking show- she took kale, salted it and baked it.  It came out like chips!  I will definitely be trying this soon because I really do miss chips.  

I still feel dizzy and had a headache for most of the day but after some advil, I felt a bit better.  I need to eat soon as the dizziness is coming back.  I'm thinking about almond butter and a granny smith sounds good right about now... 

Until tomorrow.

Day 7

I made it a week!!!
I will write my blog tomorrow :) all in celebration!
Thanks for everyones support!

Day 6

It is late and is difficult to write today.  I have had a pretty bad headache all day.  I keep wondering if I'm doing this right.  I got another website from my sister :

http://www.womentowomen.com/digestionandgihealth/Guidelinesforfollowingayeastfreediet.pdf

I'm going to print this and follow this one religiously.  It's interesting what new things I'm learning about food and how even with this diet I keep having to adjust and look more closely at the things I eat that I thought were ok!  Almond milk.  It has sugar.  On to the next... but it is really good.
Today I slept in and didn't eat breakfast.  I know! Horrible.  I made up for it at lunch with a Ted's Beef burger with swiss no bun and asparagus (which I didn't eat because it was grilled in bbq sauce) but I ate the tomato.  I had some blueberries for a snack, laid back down cause of my headache, went to bible study- which didn't help the headache... and came home shaky.  Today was not a good eating day.  I ate an egg and sausage (home made) with a little swiss and then checked my email to read that I really can't be eating cheese.  UGH.  Okay.  Tomorrow is a new day.
Update:  The rash that I had is almost gone.  I don't know if I mentioned it before but my genius sister told me to wash it with backing soda.  This rash itched like nobody's business and was severely uncomfortable. After using that and putting Aquafur on it, I did not itch AT ALL.  I had been using an anti fungal, anti itch cream that seemed to irritate that.  So yay!  I am confident it will finish healing when I am done with my cycle.  The 'angry lymph nodes'-  there were four marble sized lumps on my lower abdomen as I had explained before.  I only feel one and it has shrunk significantly and it is not painful to the touch.  AWESOME!  I don't know if the yeast is going away but (you may not want to read further) when I was on my period for the last 6 months, my blood literally itched inside and outside.  It would inflame everything and I would be miserable- NOTHING HELPED.  My blood does not itch.  It's crazy!  I can only take that as a good sign.
So even though I have made a few mistakes with the diet, I believe it has been working.  And it has also given me an appreciation for learning more about what foods are 'healthy'.  I always tried to eat foods that would make me feel full because I really didn't like eating.  I liked eating when I didn't have to make it, but during work, I would rather work hungry than full- I would get tired and try to have a red bull for a boost which would help for like 2 hours max- but then would crash and be starving again.  I don't really feel starving anymore- I feel weak and that's when I know I've gone too long without eating and I eat something.  Eating doesn't make me feel gross or heavy or tired- I don't need or want naps in the afternoon.  I never thought that would be possible- caffeine free, no carbs, no sugar = MORE ENERGY.
I saw my sister today and she looked at my face and told me she could see a difference.  I was really happy to see her today.
Tomorrow I have therapy, I'm going out to lunch with a girl from church which I'm excited about, going to try to get up early for 'coffee' (tea for me) with my ma and friend, and maybe a prayer group in the evening.  I need something like that right now because the bible study I attend, sigh.  It's complicated.
Tomorrow I will print out the pdf and will have it on the fridge and in my purse so I know exactly what to buy.
I also found 'clean food' on facebook and friended it- cool to check out.  It's the recipe book I was talking about.
I'm excited about tomorrow because it will be 1 WEEK!!!! Celebrate with cake??? haha... rice cake that is! laugh...
Until tomorrow...

Day 5

I am finally feeling more normal.  Yay!
Therapy went well.  I talked to her about my diet change and the frustration I had with the last doctor that I saw.  It feels good to be actively fighting this thing instead of just sitting in misery waiting for it to end.  I still have fear that it won't work but if I think that way it can't possible help.  She said that I seemed to have more energy.  I told her I still only take one Wellbutrin in the morning and have not taken a second dose in the afternoon.  They put me on this because I was lacking motivation for pretty much everything.  I would sleep most of the day and night. The second dose was supposed to help me not take naps but I haven't needed them so I'm excited about that.  I will be decreasing the dosage of the benzo tonight which is great because I have been anxious in the past about it but now it seems doable.  Anyway, the fun part was afterward we went to Harry's (whole foods).  We stocked up on nuts and got some unique greens.  I also got a body brush for the dry brushing technique which I will try before I shower tomorrow.  I will include that information in tomorrows blog.  The highlight was lunch.  Whole foods have lunch buffets and we decided to give it a try.  There were a lot of casserole dishes that I steered clear from.  I had some chicken- it did have some sauce on it but I took off most of the skin to tried to avoid it.  I got some asparagus (which I didn't eat but brought home) and the most amazing dish- I combined RED quinoa and sauteed kale with canola oil, salt and pepper, with walnuts.  So amazingly good.  I topped it off with some strawberries.  No soda for me either- just water.  Apparently even the sugarless calorie free sodas can mess with your pH.  For dinner, I had turkey and swiss omelette and an avocado.  I also looked at some testimonies that my sister sent me for encouragement.  Here's one:


"Since I was about 16 I have suffered from depression, constipation, bloating, wind, fatigue, headaches, irritability, stress, anxiety, feeling sick after eating very little, stomach cramps. I have seen doctor after doctor with the different symptoms and have had a variety of diagnoses ranging from IBS, depression, premenstrual tension, and a week immune system, as I catch anything going. When a colleague of mine asked if it could be Candidiasis like she suffers I looked it up, started immediately on the diet (as I mainly ate bread, pastas biscuits cakes chocolate, oats, potatoes etc) all the wrong foods. 3 weeks on already I have seen such a massive difference - I have loads more energy to chase my toddlers around, I'm not stressed and shouting at them anymore, I'm not obsessive, I don't get out of breath as easily, no more stomach pains or bloating, or wind, or headaches, and I have (sorry to divulge this) been number 2 every other day so far, rather than once a week. I feel great!! Admittedly for 2 days when I started the diet I thought I had the flu coming but I pushed past it and wow do I feel great!! I even eat more than ever and finish what's on my plate without feeling sick! Thank goodness there are sites like this to help people and let them know they are not alone!"


I definitely starting to feel a bit better.  I am also noticing my skin becoming more clear.  I use makeup to cover blackheads that I've had since high school.  They are SHRINKING!  It's nuts!  I've tried birth control, every kind of cleanser, and even pro-active.  Nothing was really working except for birth control which reduced heavy acne, but it never took those annoying blackheads away.  Also, the bags under my eyes which never go away no matter how much sleep I get are not as baggy and droopy... awesome!

A good resource for foods to eat can be found at the link below:
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/candida-diet-food-list.html

Here's what the basics are:
Foods to Eat on a Candida Diet

• Though cereals hinder the process of candida cleanse, yet there are some which can be eaten safely once in a while. These are quinoa, teff, millet and barley. Wild rice and basmati rice when taken with legumes are also safe to consume if consumed in limited amounts.
• After strictly following the candida diet food list for a month or so, you can include hot cereals that are free from wheat or corn in your diet.
• Try to prepare your food with pungent spices whenever possible, as it boosts the digestion.
• You can have sprouts but make sure that you sprout them yourself otherwise there are chances that you get some molds along with them.
• You can have some nuts such as hazel nuts and Brazil nuts.
• You can have fish like salmon, tuna, and other seafoods.
• Stay away from starchy vegetables such as carrot. Fresh green leafy vegetables like spinach is safe to take.
• Herbal teas, protein shakes and almond milk are perfectly fine to drink. Try to have ginger tea twice a day. It will be very helpful for digestion.
• Brown flour products
• Unprocessed meat
• Brown rice
• Soya milk
• Unprocessed fish
• Cold pressed oils
• Rice cakes and oat cakes
• Eggs
• Onions
• Nuts and seeds
• Lentils
• Beans
• Herbs and mild spices. You could read more on Vegetarian Candida Diet.
• Vegetables like naturally grown organic beans, broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, radish, celery, parsley, peas, arugula spinach and tomatoes.
• Fish, chicken and eggs.
• Fruits like berries, grapefruit, papaya and pineapple.
• Unprocessed grain and cereals.
• Unsweetened and unyeasted baked products.
• Dried black-eyed and chickpeas and lentils.
• Unsweetened soy milk.
• Vegetable and meat broths without sweetener.

• Foods to Avoid on a Candida Diet:
• Processed foods.
• Flake cereals and sprouted grain cereals.
• Pasta.
• Cakes, pastries and processed baked food containing sugar.
• Processed legumes.
• Tofu.
• Nuts and seeds.
• Sweetened dairy products.
• Dried fruit.
• Alcohol.
• Condiments.
• Sauces and pickles.
• Meat products with added antibiotics and hormones.
• Smoked meats.
• Vegetables like mushrooms and the skins of beetroot, tomato, carrot, potato and cucumber.
• Candida diet food list excludes anything that is pre-made or is not home made. You should strictly avoid buffet food, TV dinners, ketchup, dressing for salad, etc. In case you have to eat in a restaurant, then prefer going to the one which can cook the food for you the way you want it to be. However, you can eat stevia and xylitol in place of sugar.
• Try to avoid anything that is sweet. Stay away from any type of sugar such as honey, fructose, maltose, molasses, syrup, chocolate, and even fruits and dry fruits. In fact, coffee and tea are also prohibited, when you are on candida cleanse diet.
• Fake foods such as egg beaters and margarine are a strict no, no.
• Till the time you are on candida cleanse, do not drink milk at all, especially pasteurized milk.
• Avoid using corn and peanut oil in your foods.
• Do not eat anything that leads you to constipation.
• Avoid canned beans such as plague, as they usually contain some sugar.
• Do not eat yeast products such as bread, pizza, buns, gravy mix, etc. Read more on candida yeast diet.
• Cheese cream, cured and smoked products such as bacons, kippers and meat.
• Fermented products such as vinegar, sauces, pickles, alcohol, etc.
• Refined grains
• Prepared breakfast cereals excluding shredded wheat
• Mushroom
• Malted products
• Foods with citric acid
• Peanuts and its related products
• Also:

• Beet Sugar
• Maple Sugar
• Date Sugar
• Organic Cane Syrup
• Organic Cane Juice
• Organic Cane Sugar
• Dextrose
• Maltose
• Lactose
• Maltodextrin
• Fructose
• High Fructose Corn Syrup
• Brown Sugar
• Powdered Sugar
• Honey
• Molasses
• Alcohol

• Benefits of Following Candida Diet Food List

• Detoxification of all the toxic products produced by candida in your body.
• Reduction in the population of candida and bringing it back to the safe limit.
• The foods listed in the candida diet food list provide you with probiotics (good bacteria), which in turn boosts your immune system.
• In case, you are taking yeast infection supplements, following a diet based on the candida diet food list, will fasten the process of killing of the candida.
• By following an anti-candida diet, you will derive several other benefits as well. The foodstuffs present in the candida diet food list will bring back the digestive system and the immune system to their normal functioning.

 I've found this site to be comforting:

http://www.womentowomen.com/digestionandgihealth/candida.aspx

Anyway, I spent most of the afternoon catching up on some Bible study stuff.  I did not do yoga today... will try tomorrow.  I'm about to walk the dogs though so I've got some exercise down.  All in all, a pretty good day!  5 days- craving sweets and bread less and less :)

Day 4

Well, my appetite has gone way down due to getting my period.  I thought today would be eventful but everything on my list fell through.  No wal-mart, no guitar lesson and no babysitting.  I think that's ok though because I was not feeling well.  I remembered why I started taking birth control.  However, I remember when I was running regularly with soccer in high school and in college that they were not that rough.   I do believe that exercising regularly helps decrease pain during that time of the month.  I will force myself to do yoga tomorrow.
This morning for breakfast I had oat meal with cinnamon, blueberries, strawberries and walnuts.  I am not a huge walnut fan but I am trying to be open minded.  It wasn't bad and I felt full.  I had 1 cup of Almond milk which is so good to me.  It does have sugar in it- not sure if that is ok, but I don't drink a lot of it.  I wasn't hungry again until about 4 (I ate at 11:30 because I didn't have an appetite).  For dinner we had burgers with no bun, a little swiss cheese, a tomato slice (pinch of salt) and an avocado sliced (lightly salted).  My mom also made sauteed zucchini circles that were yum.  She said she did to them what she normally does with potatoes and made them extra crispy.  Delish.  I had a little bit of a granny smith with organic peanut butter as a snack.  I eat everything that is on my plate which is something that I rarely did when I would eat carbs.  My parent are doing this as well (at least when they are home).  They had mexican food for lunch so I'm sure they ate carbs, sugar etc.
I am really sick of this 'disease'.  I can tell its still present because my period isn't quite normal.  I keep wondering when my life will get back on track again.  I have cut out caffeine, alcohol, other stimulants, negative influences, going to therapy... I want to do more- to be motivated to explore and try new things.  I feel so handicapped because of this.  It's distracting, irritating, painful, nauseating, and impacting my life negatively.  I hope every day that things will get better but after 6 months, I am tired of keeping my hopes up.  What if I'm unable to have children someday because of this?  I know that may seem like an over reaction to a lot of people because I'm not even married yet, but I can't help but wonder.
Tomorrow I have therapy.  I haven't been for a week because of the snow 'storm'.  Last time I was there I was in tears because it had gotten so bad and I had no answers.  It surprising how much I talk about this in therapy.  I keep thinking it's in my head, that I'm creating this problem for myself somehow but there is physical evidence that keeps me from going nuts.
I really want a gooey bagel with cream cheese.  I thought I ate pretty well before this.  I think half of it was carbs and sugar.  I almost lost it yesterday.  I was headed to the pantry for a chocolate square but I kept thinking- this will hurt you if you eat it now.
On a positive note, meditating and reading the Bible has been helpful during cravings.  I have been thinking a lot about the potential children's minister position at church.  I've always like program development and wonder if I could work on some stuff and give it to Gary to review- even if I don't apply or get the position, it might help for them to have some ideas.  I like the music ministry but I want to do more- especially if its a paid position.
Tomorrow I have therapy like I said and it's right next to a whole foods.  I'm going to stop in there and see what else is out there to eat!
Until tomorrow...